I should be sleeping. But instead I am worrying and wondering and kinda freaking myself out. I feel like I have lost all sense of direction. I feel lost. I don’t feel like a musician or an artist, or even a creative person. I just feel stressed and frustrated and that time is passing by me incredibly quickly.
This is not how I want my life to be. This is not what I want on a Monday morning at 12:07am.
There are SO many things that I want to do. Dozens of ideas flit through my head every day. I want to create, and travel and inspire and be inspired. I could easily fill ten lifetimes with the number of things I want to do. And this is really exciting, to have this many ideas. But also paralyzing. Where do I start? What do I do first? How many things can I really do at once? What things can wait? How do they all interrelate?
And so I come to a crisis of indecision and tension between stability/predictability/reliability/being able to pay the rent and the big leap of massive amounts of faith and dreaming into the big unknown of adventure and possible catastrophic failure. I’ve always taken the safe option in the past. But it has never satisfied me.
Things are going to change. I don’t know how, but I am determined to create the life that I want to lead. And I want to share that journey with you. At the moment I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do, but something has to give. I am sure I am not alone in this. I am sure there are plenty of other frustrated artists out there who feel similarly. Are there? Who are you? What are your frustrations? What are your dreams? Your plans? I would love to hear from you.